I had a pretty awesome birthday yesterday. Thanks to everyone who was a part of it and spent time with me, some of you follow me on here and you’re all fucking amazing. I won’t forget it for anything.
I don’t even know what just fucking happened.
I threw in a dip, and all of a sudden I got a really bad anxiety attack and I got really depressed.
I wasn’t even thinking about anything, and it just happened.
I don’t get it.
I don’t like this. I don’t want this anymore.
I’m quitting chew and dipping after that. that was fucking ridiculous.
What just happened.
People being angry about ~dem gays~ on Target’s Facebook.
I just want to give my two cents on this and tell you a story.
A couple weeks ago, I was hired at Target. I have a job at Target. Not a big deal right?
It is a big deal because i’m a transman.
It doesn’t take a genius to conclude that it’s hard for me, my brothers, and sisters to get a job. There are legal restraints regarding the job and if you don’t pass, it’s hard to be taken seriously at a job interview.
Right on the application, it asks what your preferred name is. It also asks if there is anything that target should know. I put the fact that I am a transman, expecting not to get a call because usually when you put that down, people will throw out the application. I got TWO interviews.
At the interview, they asked me about it. I told them I am on hormones and they told me that they didn’t care. Not in the sense that they don’t emotionally care, but that it didn’t matter. I was male and that’s all that mattered. They also told me that they give sex same couples benefits in states that do not recognize them as a married couple.
At my job orientation, I was not misgendered once. Even my supervisors who weren’t sure of my gender avoided pronoun use, which I found only happens when you’ve had pronoun training. They gave me a name tag with my preferred name and didn’t ask questions. I felt safe and respected, which is huge for a trans* person.
TLDR: Target is amazing not just for the LGB, but also the T. Shop there for the rest of your life.
^preaaaaach! Seriously, fuck all these screenshotted, close minded, bigoted assholes. I love my place of work, and I will stand by it for all time. we’re one of the most open-minded and friendly places to work at, and while I am straight, love my LGBT co-workers. Target also gave me a place of work that I don’t have to hide my body modifications and I can be who I want and make my appearance reflect that, and that’s pretty cool.
My attempt at spoken word/slam poetry via script. Haven’t recorded it, but I might if I can find a decent quality of sound/video to do so. Anyway. Yeah.
Title: Open Eyes.
Here on this planet we call Earth,
We strive for the meaning of why we’re here.
We live our lives to work and please,
To be pleased and to earn,
To give and to strive for happiness,
But in that journey,
We end up cold,
Beaten,
Broken.
We give so much that we forget.
We forget that ultimately it is up to us.
Us, who decides what our life is and what we should do.
How we should be happy and how we should learn.
But between the lines of what is and what was, lies the sad realization of the truth.
The truth that we are neither alive,
Nor dead,
But living out our existence in the mindless drove we call “life.”
A world where we are doomed to not only conform to others’ beliefs,
But are shunned for anything that might upset the natural balance.
A world where we are told what to do,
And what is acceptable.
But if we step out of what we’re told,
It’s labeled as creativity.
And our creativity is what labels us as “freaks.”
But maybe in these creative moments,
These outcries,
These expressions,
Lies another truth.
The truth of what really lies beneath this mindless,
Materialistic,
Judgmental,
Shallow world.
That the truth of our existence is that our meaning is greater than our understanding.
That behind all the hurt,
Pain,
Judgment,
Shallowness.
Love is what brings us together.
Friendship is what holds us in bond.
Family is who you choose to help change your life for the better,
Whether it be blood or symbolic.
This life is greater than all the hurt,
The pain,
And the sorrow.
You just have to make your meaning for it.
And trust in your friends.
For they can help you in ways you’d never imagine.
Everyone can find a friend.
They might be across the country,
Or right in front of you face without you even knowing it.
Or standing right here.
Crying these words out to the minds who deem these words necessary to hear.
You just have to make your meaning for it.
didn’t even go to sleep yet. Collin called me and we went driving around with Beck and ended up at a bonfire at Nick’s house. it was pretty cool.
gonna sleep for two hours now, then call work and remind them I can’t make it cause my car’s broken. then yeah.
sleepin’ all day and then probably some videogames and practicing music and then listening to music.
cool.
“I know that these feelings in my chest will be the remedy, to carry you through.”
-Waypoint, song: Renegade (unreleased as of now)
And of course, now I really want to tell you that I miss you, but I won’t. Because I can’t forgive you and I won’t even put myself in that situation.
Because I don’t want to make a mistake and hate myself.
I wish either of you could be a part of this since Claire’s leaving soon, and you both met my family and were so wonderful with them.
But for one, I fucked up, and for two, you fucked up.
It’s funny to see both sides of what happened. But this wedding video makes me regret and reminisce on a lot, and it’s upsetting.
I won’t make any more important memories without someone I would want to spend the rest of my life with and who I know I’ll be with for a long time.
I just wanna feel whole again.
Look at my shiny new birthday gift! #patrickolson, #personalwriting, #personalphoto, #bass, #wood finish, #nom, #boners, #I have the best band ever, #Waypoint
My Day:
going to currently consist of:
-showering
-Making food
-Playing pokemon heart gold or soul silver or black version. haven’t decided yet.
-Listen to Texas In July while I play videogames
-Take my 30 question final for my Critical Interp. of Film and TV class, even though it’s more of an exam since we take a test every week and my prof’s just putting them all together as a test.
-Come home, repeat steps 2, 3, and 4, but start drinking.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
